Outside of the annoying traffic and tourists, there is the problem of the sexism of the conference. The messages given to women are recycled every couple of years. The message seems to either be how to stay pure and chaste or how to make a better wife/mother/help meet. The talks that are aimed towards men are not much better, but their recycled messages have a little bit more variety, at least. Most of the conference can be viewed by anyone, but there are sessions aimed at women and teenage girls, and one aimed at priesthood holders (men). Women are not supposed to watch the talks aimed at men, but men can watch the talks intended for women. The dire consequences of a woman witnessing a priesthood talk hasn't been fully explained to me, but I am betting our tiny lady brains would be damaged from the awesome power of dude knowledge. God works in mysterious ways, truly.
Anyway, the men who speak at the conference (general authorities) are full of shit. I don't know if the bullshitting is a group effort or the result of single speech writers making stuff up, but either way it is easy to spot the less-than-likely stories spun at the conference each year. There is an old, unlikely, and really ridiculous sounding story about one of the General Authorities meeting Mick Jagger on an airplane and learning that rock and roll music is designed to drive young people to sex. Also, Mick Jagger was incapable of finding a problem with the book of mormon, because there isn't one. Yeah, sure. The story has been told a million times, long after young people started saying "mick who? the rolling what?" to themselves upon hearing it. I wish snopes would pick it up to try and verify it with mick jagger, but they have not. There is a certain lack of self-awareness that exists in talks that impress no one outside of those severely brainwashed into the religion already. That proud tradition continues on at the current conference week.
The Prophet of the church, Thomas S Monson, who supposedly speaks directly to god, told a story about the power of prayer. The story starts with him saying how he traded his change in to his dad for a five dollar bill as a child. See how many problems you can spot in this story:
He was a boy during the Great Depression. "I had tucked my five dollar bill into the pocket of my jeans and, as you can probably guess, my jeans were sent to the laundry with the money still in the pocket," said President Thomas S. Monson.
From time to time he would pause and make a facial expression to help communicate his story with the audience. It would often respond with a hushed laughter.
"I wanted that money, I needed that money," President Monson said emphatically. He told the 21,000 audience in the Conference Center and the millions of other viewers across the world via satellite transmission that he prayed the 5 dollar bill would still be in his pocket after it returned from the laundry two days later.
"I reached into the pocket with trembling hands. When I didn't find anything immediately, I thought all was lost. And then my fingers touched that wet five dollar bill," said President Monson.
Renna responded to the story, "I think we all have tender mercies, like when the Lord really looks out for us. I will definitely turn to the Lord when things like that happen to me."
Give up?
1. The money is "needed", it is a "mercy", they mention the depression to make it seem like he is poor. If that wasn't the intent, it was the effect of the way the story was framed. It doesn't make sense because his family could afford to pay others to launder all their clothes. Another glaring problem is that 5$ in 1930 is the equivalent of about 65$ now, which he (as a boy) had lying around in change. We might as well be cheering that Montgomery Burns got his 5$ back, when the people working at the laundry place probably needed it more.
2. Prayer to get a 5$ bill back to a privileged rich kid works, while god let the prayers of starving and diseased people go unanswered. Thinking that god would interfere on his behalf instead of helping people with real problems is the height of narcissism, it is the kind of entitled narcissism involved in all manner of praying.
3. This is the best that the prophet of god could do. A story where he got 5$ back was not put on the back burner in favor of more important messages. Conference goers are truly supposed to be inspired at a really inconsequential miracle. You would think someone in direct communication with god could manage to tell an interesting story or reveal secret knowledge from god during the conference, but he does not. Another speaker told a story about god making a quarter materialize so he could buy some fried chicken. God sure does seem to care about money- that must be why the church requires 10% of your income for life in order to fully include anyone in the church.
People eat this crap up, year after year. That is why I hate conference week.
A story for the ages. They'll rehash this "miracle" for the next 20 years.
ReplyDeleteThis sorta reminds me of the story my mother tells about finding her wedding ring's missing diamond under my crib after praying to find it. As if it was going anywhere once it landed there.
Gosh when you say it like that, it makes me wanna go (not). Buddy, why do you go. Awesome, have a great week,
ReplyDeleteKriss
Kriss-I didn't really go, you just end up hearing about the conference when you live in Utah. The local news covers what happened there, half your coworkers talk about it, etc.
ReplyDeleteOh my god, I had forgotten about the Mick Jagger story until I read your post. Even in my full-blown TBM days, I thought that story was ridiculous, and I was embarrassed for the General Authority for sharing it.
ReplyDeletewow, people actually come from out of state for this. utah has an interesting tourist industry, catering to tiny lady brains and powerful dude awesomeness knowledge and all.
ReplyDeletedawn james, weirdly that sounds exactly like how light beer is marketed.
ReplyDeleteskeptifem, there are plenty of Mormon legends like the Mick Jagger story that get passed around, but I'm pretty certain that story has not been shared over the pulpit at conference.
ReplyDeleteAs for President Monson's story, the message is -- God hears you, no matter how seemingly small or inconsequential your issue. It is a powerful message for believers. I doubt you non-believers would be any more impressed by a story of some great miracle or some "secret knowledge from God."
I would be damn impressed if someone had a message that proved to be valid and profound, like if god had put some counter-intuitive scientific idea into the bible or the book of mormon or whatever. That never happens. This is after hearing over and over that religion is a different way of exploring the world, yet there isn't one concrete example of unique knowledge gained from religion.
ReplyDeleteI guess you're right about the story comforting believers. I guess my godless ways have made me a bit more concerned about, you know, the needless suffering of millions instead of the comfort of a segment of privileged westerners. My priorities are all fucked up, eh?
There was one man in my church that liked to share the following story:
ReplyDeleteHis son had a paper route and was collecting money from the subscribers. Unfortunately, he had lost $20. Of course, he prayed, and later found the money by a sidewalk. Prayers answered!
What's outstanding is that this wasn't a poor family that would have trouble coming with $20.
The other weird thing is that, aside from the Mormonism, this story came from an otherwise intelligent person. I was an active Mormon in my teens and very early twenties. Now I wonder why any adult takes Mormonism seriously. I wonder if a lot of it is social pressure, since it's not easy to quit that church. I'm haven't been in ten years and I still get calls from people wanting to sign me up for visiting/home teachers or whatever. The missionaries also show up on occasion. I just don't answer the door.